Saturday, March 11th: Deep Thoughts, Part II
Well it's cool to hear that people actually consider this blog itself to be a contribution...because when I started it in Fall 2004, I don't think I ever envisioned that it would ever be considered as such: rather it was simply an outlet for my thoughts and frustrations that I had difficulty discussing with my law school peers, who all appeared to have been brainwashed into a one-track mindset of law school >> law firm associate >> marriage?? >> partner track/in-house counsel/some other law-related job >> retirement. To say that they had trouble even understanding how anyone could leave law school to play poker and try to start an internet business would be an understatement indeed. We might as well have been speaking different languages.
I think some commenters have pointed out a frustrating paradox that I have always felt illustrates a gross inconsistency: that many of the professions that are, quote, "well-respected" provide very little in the way of societal worth (even though their practitioners may have convinced themselves otherwise). These jobs may have "cocktail party cache", but are otherwise hollow. If I go home and tell my parents that I just got a job as a day-trader, they'd probably beam with pride and tell their dinner-party friends about how I've got some big important job on Wall Street. Never mind the fact that I do nothing but squeeze out profits from other less active traders -- although ask a day trader and he'll probably feed you some drivel about how he and his peers play an important role by smoothing out inefficiencies in the market. If I meet some pretty co-ed in a bar and tell her I'm a lawyer at some top law firm, her eyes might widen with admiration before she scurries back to her girlfriends to tell them about the lawyer who was just chatting her up as they nod approvingly. Never mind the fact that your first two years at any top law firm are spent writing memos on topics the firm already has 10 memos about, transcribing depositions (also known as copying), and proofreading motions (also known as spell-checking). What entity decreed from on high that these would be designated the respected positions in our society, the signposts of success, the roadmap to prosperity and female companionship? I'm not ragging on these two professions in particular, nor upon the number of others whose contribution to our society's progress is dubious at best -- after all, many people subscribe to country singer Montgomery Gentry's paradigm: " That's something to be proud of, That's a life you can hang your hat on, You don't need to make a million, Just be thankful to be workin', If you're doing what you're able, And putting food there on the table, And providing for the family that you love, That's something to be proud of. And if all you ever really do is the best you can, Well, you did it man." Maybe -- so goes the argument -- propagation of the species is truly enough.
But You want a truly worthwhile job? The guy from Triple-A I had to call to start my car in a bad neighborhood in -10 degree temperature when I had absentmindedly left my inside carlight on. The sewer inspectors who wade through other people's feces from 10pm til 6am so that you can flush your toilet in the morning. The city's electrical engineers who are literally on call 24/7, frequently dragged out of bed at 3am to fix the power lines the evening storm had knocked out. But I'm sure as hell not going to face the shitstorm that would result if I took my 2 ivy-league degrees and accepted one of those jobs. But are those simply my own insecurities about not being considered "enough"?? I once asked a former co-worker who was returning to grad school what she was looking for in a career that would make her happy, and she replied with an answer that I'm not so sure I've yet heard improved upon: she said she simply wanted a career that presented challenges that allowed her to feel as though she were applying all of her talents and abilities to their fullest. And the closest I've come to that is the feeling that I've gotten coupling a) improving my poker game and turning it into a lucrative pastime, and b) starting and growing my affiliate business.
The somewhat ironic thing about this post is that I can remember writing something similar (about the frustration that 'respected' jobs in our society only rarely align with those that are most 'worthwhile' or vital) over a year ago in this blog, when I was just beginning to explore some of these ideas. Some might say that's called repeating yourself. But for some reason it's got a whole new feel to me now, perhaps because I've now got a new perspective to write from: that of a guy who's actually worked the mind-numbing law firm job, and also thrown himself into and achieved success at high-stakes poker, and yet found each somewhat lacking, though in different respects.
PPM Cruise - Day 0
Enough mental masturbation for now. The Party Poker Million cruise departs tomorrow. Rumor has it that Phil Ivey bought in directly and will be playing. Pretty cool. I was sort of caught half way between hoping there might be some star-power I could mingle with on the cruise, and lamenting the same, wishing instead for a tournament field full of online qualifier donkeys.
The more I think about my prospects in this $10,000 buy-in tournament, the less optimistic I am about placing highly. Ironic, I suppose, because I can't imagine that (arrogance alert!) in this 500 person field there will be more than a dozen players who will be better than me to any meaningful degree. I just think that a limit tournament with a quickly escalating blind structure isn't really a sufficient time frame for the cream to really rise to the top. In the long run, I think I'd enjoy a significant advantage over most other entrants, but just how many hands can I expect to get in during this tourney? 300? 500?? Considering that I've gone through break-even stretches of 15,000 hands, I just don't know if I've got enough of a skill advantage (nor if ANYONE possibly could in a limit tourney) to have a significant edge in this thing. So I'm keeping my expectations rather low and just trying to enjoy the experience as much as I can. In fact, my guest isn't even a poker player at all, which will hopefully keep me grounded and enjoying as much of the NON-poker activities as possible. I suppose the optimist's way of looking at this is that I have as good a chance as anyone else to win the $1.5 Million first place prize.
I think some commenters have pointed out a frustrating paradox that I have always felt illustrates a gross inconsistency: that many of the professions that are, quote, "well-respected" provide very little in the way of societal worth (even though their practitioners may have convinced themselves otherwise). These jobs may have "cocktail party cache", but are otherwise hollow. If I go home and tell my parents that I just got a job as a day-trader, they'd probably beam with pride and tell their dinner-party friends about how I've got some big important job on Wall Street. Never mind the fact that I do nothing but squeeze out profits from other less active traders -- although ask a day trader and he'll probably feed you some drivel about how he and his peers play an important role by smoothing out inefficiencies in the market. If I meet some pretty co-ed in a bar and tell her I'm a lawyer at some top law firm, her eyes might widen with admiration before she scurries back to her girlfriends to tell them about the lawyer who was just chatting her up as they nod approvingly. Never mind the fact that your first two years at any top law firm are spent writing memos on topics the firm already has 10 memos about, transcribing depositions (also known as copying), and proofreading motions (also known as spell-checking). What entity decreed from on high that these would be designated the respected positions in our society, the signposts of success, the roadmap to prosperity and female companionship? I'm not ragging on these two professions in particular, nor upon the number of others whose contribution to our society's progress is dubious at best -- after all, many people subscribe to country singer Montgomery Gentry's paradigm: " That's something to be proud of, That's a life you can hang your hat on, You don't need to make a million, Just be thankful to be workin', If you're doing what you're able, And putting food there on the table, And providing for the family that you love, That's something to be proud of. And if all you ever really do is the best you can, Well, you did it man." Maybe -- so goes the argument -- propagation of the species is truly enough.
But You want a truly worthwhile job? The guy from Triple-A I had to call to start my car in a bad neighborhood in -10 degree temperature when I had absentmindedly left my inside carlight on. The sewer inspectors who wade through other people's feces from 10pm til 6am so that you can flush your toilet in the morning. The city's electrical engineers who are literally on call 24/7, frequently dragged out of bed at 3am to fix the power lines the evening storm had knocked out. But I'm sure as hell not going to face the shitstorm that would result if I took my 2 ivy-league degrees and accepted one of those jobs. But are those simply my own insecurities about not being considered "enough"?? I once asked a former co-worker who was returning to grad school what she was looking for in a career that would make her happy, and she replied with an answer that I'm not so sure I've yet heard improved upon: she said she simply wanted a career that presented challenges that allowed her to feel as though she were applying all of her talents and abilities to their fullest. And the closest I've come to that is the feeling that I've gotten coupling a) improving my poker game and turning it into a lucrative pastime, and b) starting and growing my affiliate business.
The somewhat ironic thing about this post is that I can remember writing something similar (about the frustration that 'respected' jobs in our society only rarely align with those that are most 'worthwhile' or vital) over a year ago in this blog, when I was just beginning to explore some of these ideas. Some might say that's called repeating yourself. But for some reason it's got a whole new feel to me now, perhaps because I've now got a new perspective to write from: that of a guy who's actually worked the mind-numbing law firm job, and also thrown himself into and achieved success at high-stakes poker, and yet found each somewhat lacking, though in different respects.
PPM Cruise - Day 0
Enough mental masturbation for now. The Party Poker Million cruise departs tomorrow. Rumor has it that Phil Ivey bought in directly and will be playing. Pretty cool. I was sort of caught half way between hoping there might be some star-power I could mingle with on the cruise, and lamenting the same, wishing instead for a tournament field full of online qualifier donkeys.
The more I think about my prospects in this $10,000 buy-in tournament, the less optimistic I am about placing highly. Ironic, I suppose, because I can't imagine that (arrogance alert!) in this 500 person field there will be more than a dozen players who will be better than me to any meaningful degree. I just think that a limit tournament with a quickly escalating blind structure isn't really a sufficient time frame for the cream to really rise to the top. In the long run, I think I'd enjoy a significant advantage over most other entrants, but just how many hands can I expect to get in during this tourney? 300? 500?? Considering that I've gone through break-even stretches of 15,000 hands, I just don't know if I've got enough of a skill advantage (nor if ANYONE possibly could in a limit tourney) to have a significant edge in this thing. So I'm keeping my expectations rather low and just trying to enjoy the experience as much as I can. In fact, my guest isn't even a poker player at all, which will hopefully keep me grounded and enjoying as much of the NON-poker activities as possible. I suppose the optimist's way of looking at this is that I have as good a chance as anyone else to win the $1.5 Million first place prize.
posted by Blog Administrator at 10:34 AM
5 Comments:
Regarding your mental masturbation.
It seems that you are searching for a silver bullet.
I gave up searching, and adopted a certain frame of mind.
As long as I am constantly learning (from mistakes and such), improving, and most importantly having fun; What I do is a minor detail.
Regarding you deep thoughts...
I think there are a lot of good, challenging, and fulfilling things you can do with a law degree.
However, you are a poker player, and so have you ever considered really figuring out poker? I mean in a theoretical/mathy way? I always wonder how I can multi 7 or 8 tables, just cruising on autopilot when a program couldn't at my limits.
Some day soon, there is going to be a bot that can beat the best humans heads-up. If I had your skills, I would go for something like that (see Guatam Rao, the guy who goes by thecount or count####). A program that can beat a human in an extremely complex game of imperfect information? That has contribution to society written all over it.
Maybe it's the engineer in me, but being a part of something like that would be awesome.
also, consider all the rake that's being sucked out of the US economy.
Maybe all the online pros are doing Uncle Sam a favor by taking the degenerates' money and putting it back where it came from instead of to some random country.
Maybe you can find some solace in patriotism :).
I think everyone struggles with these questions, the idea of leading a meaningful, fulfilling life.
I don't think that many people resolve these questions, but rather find ways to fill the void and pass the time. Kudos to you for contemplating a life of importance. I would have to say you have influenced many more people than you think, and many more than an average joe.
Take your trip around the world, keep a journal/blog, it will add many new perspectives to your life. Maybe publish it, you seem to be doing a good job of making a difference through your writing, and you must enjoy it.
Thoreau: " the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation"
Don't undervalue your blog and speaking out about this.
Once you have a family, you'll have a different perspective on everything. Reading between the lines of your post, I know this is what you're missing. Poker is what feeds my family and allows them live comfortably, it's a means to an end. It doesn't define who I am. In your mid-twenties you are going to be full of more questions than answers, what is important in life, what isn't? But in a few years when you've found that special someone to provide for and start a family, you'll know what is important.
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